Tuesday, January 09, 2007

The wheel of Bollywoodi time

Hero's father, Pitaji, is informed of his son's romance. He summons the girl (heroine).

Pitaji: Ladki, mein nehi janta tuney mere bete par kya jadu chalaya hai, lekin ei samaj le ki tuj jaise ladki se woh kabhie pyar nehi kar sakta. Aur agar pyar kiya bhi to shaadi to kabhie nehi. Aur iske bawjudh agar woh shaadi karta hai to usey iss khandan ko chorna hoga, iss ghar to chorna hoga, uski zindagi barbad ho jayegi.

Heroine: Nehi Nehi..pitaji eisa na kahiye. Maine aapke bete se pyar kiya hai. Sachha pyar. Yeh sirf mera dil janta hai, yah mera bhagwan. Mein usey barbad nehi dekh sakti. Mein hi chali jati hoon. (note :all nehi-s to be uttered exclusively through nasal route)

Heroine leaves. Song follows, in the line of dil/sapna/zindagi toot gaya.


Cut to next decade
1960s:Hero brings girlfriend home to daddy.

Hero (introducing his gf): Pitaji yeh Sunita hai. Sunita pitaji ke charan chuo.
Sunita bends down to touch dad-in-law's charan. Dad steps back.

Dad (or Pitaji): Nehi, yeh hamare khandaan ki bahu nehi ho sakti.
Sunita sobbing so hard that a pail needs to be brought to hold tears.

Hero: Pitaji aap eisa nehi kar sakte. Sunita ke saath mera janam janam ka bandhan hai.

Pitaji: Janam ke bachhe.....nikal ja mere ghar se. Tuney hamare khandan ki izzat to mitti mein mila diya. Tere liye mere ghar mein, mere dil mein koi jagah nehi. Aaj se mein samjhunga ki mera koi beta tha hi nehi.

and next:
Hero (Suresh) brings girlfriend (Geeta) to mom.

Hero: Maa dekh mein aaj tere liye kya laya hoon.

Maa (coming out of the kitchen wiping hands on pallu of nice sari...er correction: if Nirupa Roy, sari torn and tattered): Kya hai beta.
Then sees the girl.

Hero: Geeta maa ke payer chuo.
Heroine (Geeta) moves toward Maa but Maa catches her before she bends.

Maa: Aare dekho to mera Suresh kise laya hai. Arre beta teri jagah mere charano mein nehin mere dil mein hai.

So saying hugs heroine, who now pretends to look shy, fails and so pulls pallu over her head.

Maa (looking lovingly at new acquisition): Lo mere sab arman purey ho gaye. aab to mere Suresh ka ghar baas jay to mein ganga naha loon. beti, aab to tu apna ghar sambhal hi le. mein to chali.

And next:
Heroine (Mala) and hero mein misunderstanding; fanned further by any arbit character (preferably heroine's dad). They almost break up. Enter hero's mom.

Mom (red eyed, obviously from crying): Beta, kisi tarah tu usey samjha buja ke le aa. Wohi is ghar ki laxmi hai.

Hero: Maa!!....woh mujshe pyar nehi karti.

Mom: Agar Mala ka dil kisi ke liye dhadka hai to sirf tere liye. Mein janti hoon beta, mein saab samajhti hoon. Akhir mein maa hoon. Ja tu usey le aa. Mera ashirwad tere saath hai.

Then taking off her bangle with a fluorish she says,
Aur usey yeh kangan bhi pehna dena. Isme iss ghar ka ashirwad hai.

And next:
Hero (Anil) and heroine meet hero's dad (pitaji).

Pitaji to heroine: Bete, Anil ne mujhe tumhare baare mein sab bata diya hai. Aaj sey tum iss parivar ka hissa ho. Ise apna hi ghar samjho. Aaj se iss ghar mein hi nehi, iss karobaar mein ki tumhara hissa hai.

Heroine (smiling coyly): Mujhe sirf aapka ashirwad chahiye pitaji, karobaar nehi.

Pitaji: Mujhe Pita kehti ho....aur itna bhi nehi samajhti ki ek baap ko haq hai apni beti ko bahut kuch dene ka.

Heroine rushes toward him and hugs him (who wouldn't if they were inheriting millions!)

Pitaji (looking heavenwards): Bhagwan tuney mujhe sirf ek beta diya tha par aaj mujhe apni beti bhi mil gayi.

Heroine (sobbing): Pitaji!!


Hero and heroine to each other:

Hum to khud hi dhoom macha sakte hai, who needs pitaji and mom!!!!


Blogger sanghamitra said...

talking about the changing face (phase) of mataji- pitaji in bollywood- one cant help but think about the 2 'well-thought' albeit overused instance in hindi movies.
hum dil de chuke: sallu baba raving & ranting to his mom & always looking up @ top floor when doing so
uday chopra dhoom machaofying about ladki bheja to bhi kya "pantar" type ki?!! to his mammi-- again the top floor has to come into question....pheeewwwwwwww-----
onw wonders how the dialogues will metamorphose (post 2000)-- perhaps emoticons would be used...!!!!maybe..... maybe not.

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